that I’m really starting to wrestle with in regards to my relationship to social media is the motivation behind various actions. To me, the basic intent of Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, etc… is to serve as an externalized view of my own thoughts, expressions, and as an aesthetic presentation and how I see the things around me. There’s an inherent level of narcissism and sense of self-importance in that, but I don’t think that it’s any different than how most people approach social media, consciously or unconsciously. The trickiest part, and this is true of any type of self-presentation, is in knowing their audience and deciding how to react. Perhaps this stems from the long-ass Tallahassee summer malaise or from being displaced for a couple of weeks, but I keep finding myself wanting to post certain statements or pictures or jokes out there not just for a reaction, but also for specific reactions or even those from specific people. That’s a level of insecurity that I hate seeing come out, much less have it be magnified on a broad social scale.

Even posting it here can come across as self-aggrandizing and childish, that much I am aware of. however I hope this can be used as an anonymous, blanket apology to anyone who I may have bugged by being a passive Internet dweeb. It comes from over-thinking relationships with certain people, under-appreciating any actual personal connections I may have, and side-stepping chances of being directly honest to those who mean anything to me. Fear of losing someone’s interest or fear of “not being loved” leaves you in a pathetic, trapped, lonely spot… and I’m the only one who can leave myself there. Drawing a line in the sand on that sorry behavior right now and I’m gonna stick to it.